April showers bring May flowers...most of the time

It is wild that we are so rapidly approaching summer. I’m not a huge fan of summer, as I’ve mentioned before. I’m definitely a fall/winter girl. I loved summers as a kid, but when you can’t really do much except try to stay cool inside, it’s less fun. I enjoy the way everything is so green here and the sunshine. I’ve enjoyed the surprise cooler days; it has made it feel more like late Oct/Nov than May. And I love the rain (not so much the severe storms), but I love a good old-fashioned Oklahoma thunderstorm…you get used to the thunder that shakes the house, lol.

I’ve been navigating some storms of life with health; I’m always navigating those, but a few of late have been new. I am truly thankful that I have been able to take it in stride, learn as I go, and lean on my faith. I have obviously been fighting autoimmune issues for years. But post covid has proven to have caused a lot of new health challenges. I have episodes now that cause me, off and on, to lose the full use of my legs. When that happens, I have to navigate with a cane, double canes, dual forearm crutches, seated walkers, or a wheelchair. I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that because I’m used to being a fast walker; that has always been one of my feelings of independence. I’m also still pretty fiercely independent, even with limitations. I don’t love the feeling in my legs when it happens or the feeling of losing independence. But I am working through it all and doing what I am supposed to in order to navigate and improve the condition as best I can. I pray that soon I will not have to navigate it at all, but even if I do, I hope to be better at it.

My outlook is always: I’ve already been through so much that I count everything I go through that is hard as temporary, because as I learn to navigate it gets easier, and I can move to the next challenge. And I’m always, always thankful. I also recognize that I am so blessed that for me this is not something that is all day, every day. It is spaces of time, some longer than others. Some days you may see me walking fine with no issues, and the next day you see me, I may be using a mobility aid. No matter what I face, I always volley back to gratitude. Gratitude is such a beautiful gift, and it makes life amazing even when you are in the middle of a struggle.

I admit I have had to learn to be okay with mobility aids, as they allow me freedom on the days it’s much harder. So that I’m not just stuck on the couch for days when I am down. And of course, writing is a tremendous release of stress, as is coloring, planning for Christmas, just whatever brings me joy.

 I am also trying my best to do better at staying in touch with people, but sometimes I shift into survival mode (which is when I’m fighting on so many fronts, I just go into full distract mode to make it to the next easier day as quickly as possible), and I don’t realize how much time has passed.

All that said… I am thankful for all of it. I am hopeful going into and coming out of every day. And I am excited for what is to come with writing. I would encourage anyone, more than anything else, to get a gratitude practice (and it does take practice at first), but it will change your life once you get it and learn to lean into it.

I hope this is the best May ever for all of you, and if it is not, I hope you can find the good in it anyway!!!

Be honest, Be real, Be You

Bobbie De Leon