Mother's Day.... Not my easiest day

Mother’s Day – A little honesty (and thank you for taking the time to read this)

For so many it is a great day of celebration, of being showered with love and support. It is a day of being recognized for things you do, of who you are. A day of being acknowledged for things you may not be recognized for the rest of the year. That is amazing and I am so happy for you and want you to have that.

But please be gentle with the rest of us.

 For many (myself included) it is not an easy day. It is a day that reminds us (even if we try our best not to let it) of what we lost, what we don’t have, what we never had, what we can’t have or what we can never get back, what cannot be replaced. This can make people act all sorts of ways. You can be more emotional, lash out without meaning to, and withdraw (my go-to).

I want you to celebrate and be celebrated. But I also ask you to remember when that friend sends a text but doesn’t call or doesn’t respond to your text. Or that child doesn’t call or that parent is thankful but finds it hard to fully engage today. Understand that sometimes we can’t.

Sometimes it takes all we have just get through this day every year. It is no reflection on anyone else or on the amount of love in our hearts for you. It is that right now the amount of pain and struggle overpower everything else. And we are doing the best we can to keep our heads above water so that tomorrow we can try this again.

We will bounce back but not today and maybe not ever on this particular day and that is okay, there is no need to force us to.

For some, this is how it is on Father’s Day or Grandparents Day, and for some all of those are complicated.

So as you celebrate just be mindful of the fact that as you celebrate, someone else is grieving and send love to them. Understand if they have to step away for a day. Sometimes they had no parent growing up or had a complicated relationship with one or both. Sometimes they lost a parent or parents and their heart is still sore.

Sometimes they come from abuse, sometimes they lost a child or children, and some can’t have children. Some pour their entire world into their pets and those become their children. Some of them are grieving the loss of those sweet fur babies.

Some are battling illnesses that keep them from being fully present or engaged in the way they would desperately like to be. And some are struggling with all of these losses combined.

Just remember to be kind, I promise it’s not that hard. Yes, some things and people can make it more challenging than others. But it’s not impossible, especially on days like today.

I’m even more mindful of Christmas now and why for some that is not the happy and beautiful day that it is for me (and even I have had to struggle to get that love back the last few years). Trauma and pain changes people, even if they don’t mean for it to and it can be a long road back.

Also, one child does not replace or erase the loss of a previous one.  So, please also don’t say things to people like “at least you have another child, or at least you were still able to have a baby after the one you lost” It invalidates both of your pain and none of it is invalid.

These are things on my mind and heart today. On this day that I dread every year.

I do wish and hope for you all that it is a very Happy Mother’s Day. And that maybe reading this will make you even more grateful if you have not had to fight through any of this or if you have been blessed to make it to the other side of it.

For the rest of us I wish us all hope, healing and peace.

Now I’m going to go have a good cry (which I have come to find the most healing thing in the world) and love on my fur babies like I do every year. And tomorrow will be better or at least closer to it.

I believe in being positive and hopeful always. But sometimes you also have to pause and acknowledge the pain so that you can walk the rest of the way through it and extend a hand to help others find their way through also.

Love, prayers and hugs

Be honest, Be real, Be you

Bobbie De Leon