Pumpkins, Costumes and Chronic Illness

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I’m learning to continue doing what I can, where I am, with what I have. Most importantly to keep moving no matter how many times I feel I’m knocked down. Fall is one of my most favorite times of year (second only to Christmas which is my LOVE LOVE lol). Last year for Halloween, I was sick. I did not get to carve pumpkins, go to the pumpkin patch or really see anyone. I did not get to wear my costume and I was rather sad.

So this year I decided that no matter what I was dealing with physically, I would at least try. Try to be present, try to carve a pumpkin, try to see people if I could. Try to put on the costume and enjoy the time. Even if I wasn’t feeling the best. And I wasn’t.

I did not make it to the pumpkin patch again this year, but that is because I was able to push myself for a bit through having two garage sales (needed to get to get rid of things we didn’t need but that could be great or useful for others) and it helps us pay medical stuff. And I got to spend time with my niece and nephew carving a pumpkin and talking and snacking and just being present. I loved it! Annnd then my body crashed and crashed hard. So for the last two days I’ve had very limited mobility or sleep. And a lot of intense pain. It’s been a very difficult couple of days.

Today was Halloween, the weather was cool and rainy so it felt like fall and that made me happy. I decided even if it was just for me, I was going to do what I could to enjoy the day. So I worked on carving my snoopy pumpkin (for two hours sitting in my seated walker) but I got overly fatigued and had to have help finishing the last little bit. I decided to put on my costume from last year and take pics even though I could not go anywhere and I knew I looked horrible because of how I felt. It was about living in the moment and finding some joy in it. And I ended up having the best time, in spite of how bad I felt and the pain I was in physically.

 I learned a lot. Sometimes it's true we cannot push ourselves, we need rest, or it’s just too much and we don't have a choice. But sometimes we can push a little, live a little. Sometimes there are beautiful moments to be found between the hard stuff. It's about learning the difference between the times we have a choice and the times we don't. It is in that space that we get parts of our lives back.

I hope everyone had the best October and Halloween (I’ve included some pics of mine even the bad one in the costume lol) and now it’s time for super happy things like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and my happy Christmas season!!!